Friday, October 27, 2006

Hey, folks. Tonight, we're going to talk about Nancy Pelosi, because the mere thought of the nosy neighbor from Bewitched as third in line to be the leader of the free world has stoked me into a Rain Man-like panic attack. A quick glance of her record reveals she voted to cut intelligence spending. Well, if anyone in the universe should vote for more intelligence, it's Nancy Pelosi. Let's just say that the whistle on Representative Pelosi's train of thought is barely audible off in the distance.

Now, I've worked in office scenarios before where a nimrod rose to a position of power in the office through mere inconsequentiality, and it drove me berserk. And I just know that every day I turn on C-SPAN, which, granted, is never, and see her wielding the wrong end of that gavel, it will give me Krakatoan shpilkes. To think that a C-minus, D-plus applicant like this, who no doubt would have been drummed out of the Mary Kay corps after an initial four-week evaluation period, might have a seat at the table of true powers, the speaker of the House, is absolutely insane.

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Every time I see Pelosi in her little Chanel suits -- a latter day "Wacky O" -- regurgitating the Democratic talking points that she had to learn phonetically because the word "grasp" is not even vaguely in her vocabulary, I shake my head so badly you could blend paint colors in my mouth. Now, I know in public the Dems will paint Pelosi as merely a more saucer-eyed version of [former Prime Minister of Pakistan] Benazir Bhutto, but the behind-closed-door fact is that they won't let her be speaker for long, if at all. They can't afford to let this mask of Nefertiti for harridans front their party for the next two years, because it will blow away any toehold they've established with real humans.